Rabbi Elliot Cosgrove
December 9, 2006

Easy to miss amid the drama of this week’s Torah reading is the quiet parting of ways between Jacob and Esau.  After years of estrangement, the brothers finally reconcile in a tearful reunion.  Having established themselves and their families over the years, Jacob and Esau were both able to overcome the painful differences of their youth.

And yet, when given the opportunity to set off together, Jacob gracefully declines to accompany his brother.  He gently demurs “Let my lord go ahead of his servant, while I travel slowly, at the pace of the cattle before me and the pace of the children, until I come to my lord in Seir.” (33:14) In fact, Jacob and Esau would not see each other again until they would bury their father together (35:29)

Often times the “disengagement” between the brothers is read as a sign of ongoing distrust. Our own Etz Hayim commentary writes “Despite the reconciliation, wariness remains.”  I choose to read the scene more generously.  Grown up and above petty squabbles, the two brothers have developed their own sense of selves, discovering that though twins they have come to see the world through very different prisms.   To “let go” was not a sign of distrust, but a quiet recognition of the human very need to move on.

Jacob entered the world holding onto the heel of his brother Esau.  It took him this long to finally let go.  Significantly, the Torah remarks that Jacob arrived “shalem” (whole) at his next destination.  The lesson is there for all of us to see.  With a bittersweet irony, sometimes we, the descendants of Jacob, only become whole through the mature act of learning when it is time to let go.